When it comes to disciplining children, we’ve all had to deal with backfired attempts. It’s not easy getting a child to mind without breaking down and threatening him with an empty lie, but a smart kid will almost always call you on it. It’s a common mistake parents often make, but how can you avoid the most common ones?
You want your child to learn the value of honesty, so practice what you preach. If your youngest is refusing to put on his shoes for the car ride home from Grandma’s, don’t give into the threat of “then you’re not coming home today!” Instead, use this as an opportunity to talk about how we often have to do things we don’t want to do. Be firm but empathetic.
Giving in to a child’s demands during an outburst is another common mistake. Don’t do it. Issue one warning and then dish out the consequence. There will be no room for your child to be left wondering if he can get away with it this time around. And talk about the consequences together, before the fits occur. Depending on the child, you may even be able to get him to agree on which consequences fit the respective crimes, so he plays a big part in his own discipline. This will begin the personal responsibility lesson early.
Never break your own rules. For all intents and purposes, consider them set in stone. This is also why it’s a good idea to have your child contribute his own ideas regarding consequences. There will be no surprises for either of you.
Another mistake parents often make deals not so much with the child, but in undermining each other. If Dad has put a screaming five-year old in time out, Mom should never come to the rescue, or vice versa. As a couple, discuss discipline before it happens, and be sure that the other spouse will support your consequence.
